This is the 2nd part of my previous post. (I really wanted to write more about it, thing is I have a non-office work related deadline to meet. LOL, details later. Don't you just hate it when you're busy and you're so in the mood to write!?) Here's the unabridged version...
last last week, I filed my resignation, which wasn't announced to everyone until last friday. Initial reaction was, "why?". But, as I told one of my bosses, "it's not you, it's me."
-- HAHAHA!
No, really. People are nice, environment's really light and comfy, everyones within a thin age range so there's no much politics. Thing is, it's been 1.5 years already and I'm still bug-fixing on the client side, on the same project I worked on since I got in. I know it's a very short span of time to get tired of something. I dunno, I guess that's how it is if you're into core programming and you know you can do so much more outside HTML, Javascript and JSP. UI-side I mean. yes, purely UI-side. At first I thought this is actually perfect. You know, I get a just right salary for a just right workload, then maintain the healthy social life outside of work. But then I guess the cons will just nudge you time to time if you're NOT at the right age yet to settle on something that's "just right"?
So months ago, I tried exploring opportunities. Actually, it's more of a self-evaluation or self-assurance thing. BUT, Instead of feeling "it's ok not to get a new job, I'm okay with my current one anyway" ...this searching season actually crushed me. I FAILED in initial interviews and technical exams. Okay, I don't mean to sound like it's so plenty. It's just that -- okay call me brat or arrogant or whatever -- I'm not used to failing these stuff. Two (yes, just two) failures made me think that there's definitely something wrong with me. That's when I realized that I need to catch up, to redeem myself, to improve, because I'm still single (unmarried), and minding no one else but myself. I'm not yet ready to settle careerwise. Don't you think? I need a job where I'm valuable so that when I pause someday because of marriage or motherhood or whatever, there's something "huge" to return to. That's when I can "settle".
So, after N months, or after about half a year, I talked to my head about it, then to our general manager. As expected, they asked me what could make me stay. I know this part - You know, this is the part where you can ask for a higher salary, right? But I didn't do that. Getting a counter offer is just not my thing. For one, it's like pera o bayong -- you already chose money, so it's better not to know what's in the bayong just to avoid regrets and complications. Two, it would be unfair for the rest of the employees who has been more loyal to their work way more than I was. Three, what will change in my work if I get a higher salary? none. I don't want to be "patched temporarily" when I know that I'll still end up with the same rant after another year.
So there. I guess this is the reason why my decision is firm - because it's been a thing I've been going through for how many months now. I feel like I've given the company a chance before making an impulsive decision. I waited and nothing has changed, so that's it. I've weighed all options -- even the possibility of demanding for a higher salary -- to justify my growing hate for the work. But I know that in the long run, my dilemma will still be the same. So now, even if I'm feeling sad and all, I'm ironically NOT feeling any regret or what, I just feel like I have to do this. And this was justified even more by some colleagues who said they're happy for me. Funny huh? this is the my only resignation where I got the line "I'm happy for you", when in fact I didn't utter anything about being happy to resign. I guess my aura just exuded it.
As in the title of this post, I've been calling my resignation "bittersweet". No, I actually got that from Lou, after he has seen me rant and rave about this whole thing. Of course, the rant is that I'm gonna leave the comfort zone, and my awesome officemates. But in spite of it all, I'm going to "reunite" with my first work family ...CAI-STA. I can't believe it. I mean, I know you think it's easy for go back there, but it's not. The first time I attempted to apply there again, the interviewer didn't like me (count that as one of the failures I mentioned about). This is actually the second one! But this time it was they who called me, and it's as if they're willing to settle this time for someone who can't do specifics at the start but can work and learn from the core. "settle" -- lol, that's how my current job lowered my self esteem!
I myself thought it would be absurd to make such decision. It's like breaking up with a cool boyfriend to be reunited with an ex I left for qualities he lacked. HAHAHA! That's just what it seemed of course ...but 4 years has already passed, most of the people I knew there already left, I'll be a part of a different team with new faces and they're putting me in a project that requires Java and SQL. Not like before when they'd put me in .NET or Java, wherever bug fixing is needed. So, to me, it seems that moving "back" in this case is as good as moving to a new one. I hope! And, why ponder so much on going back... This is like now or never, when it comes to getting that type of work I want.
As my motto goes, there is no perfect company. But there will always be sets of imperfections that one can swallow, depends on his lifestyle, priorities or personality. Sadly, in my case I failed to see that set of imperfections in this company, or maybe, like what I said in my previous post, priorities just change. And it could be like this as long as I'm at the late 20s, or even while I'm single. But as in my previous resignations, my wish stays the same -- to finally find that set of imperfections the will fit me right, to settle in the company where I will retire, and to say "nah, I'm already good here".
And contrary to whatever negative I'm probably implying right now... I loved Sync. I really did, and I still do. it wasn't an easy decision to leave, it breaks my heart just to imagine how my last day would be. Too bad, some things just can't work perfectly for each and everyone all the time, right?
Sooo that's it! For the 3rd time I'm gonna say - This is it, c'est la vie, and good luck to me!
last last week, I filed my resignation, which wasn't announced to everyone until last friday. Initial reaction was, "why?". But, as I told one of my bosses, "it's not you, it's me."
-- HAHAHA!
No, really. People are nice, environment's really light and comfy, everyones within a thin age range so there's no much politics. Thing is, it's been 1.5 years already and I'm still bug-fixing on the client side, on the same project I worked on since I got in. I know it's a very short span of time to get tired of something. I dunno, I guess that's how it is if you're into core programming and you know you can do so much more outside HTML, Javascript and JSP. UI-side I mean. yes, purely UI-side. At first I thought this is actually perfect. You know, I get a just right salary for a just right workload, then maintain the healthy social life outside of work. But then I guess the cons will just nudge you time to time if you're NOT at the right age yet to settle on something that's "just right"?
So months ago, I tried exploring opportunities. Actually, it's more of a self-evaluation or self-assurance thing. BUT, Instead of feeling "it's ok not to get a new job, I'm okay with my current one anyway" ...this searching season actually crushed me. I FAILED in initial interviews and technical exams. Okay, I don't mean to sound like it's so plenty. It's just that -- okay call me brat or arrogant or whatever -- I'm not used to failing these stuff. Two (yes, just two) failures made me think that there's definitely something wrong with me. That's when I realized that I need to catch up, to redeem myself, to improve, because I'm still single (unmarried), and minding no one else but myself. I'm not yet ready to settle careerwise. Don't you think? I need a job where I'm valuable so that when I pause someday because of marriage or motherhood or whatever, there's something "huge" to return to. That's when I can "settle".
So, after N months, or after about half a year, I talked to my head about it, then to our general manager. As expected, they asked me what could make me stay. I know this part - You know, this is the part where you can ask for a higher salary, right? But I didn't do that. Getting a counter offer is just not my thing. For one, it's like pera o bayong -- you already chose money, so it's better not to know what's in the bayong just to avoid regrets and complications. Two, it would be unfair for the rest of the employees who has been more loyal to their work way more than I was. Three, what will change in my work if I get a higher salary? none. I don't want to be "patched temporarily" when I know that I'll still end up with the same rant after another year.
So there. I guess this is the reason why my decision is firm - because it's been a thing I've been going through for how many months now. I feel like I've given the company a chance before making an impulsive decision. I waited and nothing has changed, so that's it. I've weighed all options -- even the possibility of demanding for a higher salary -- to justify my growing hate for the work. But I know that in the long run, my dilemma will still be the same. So now, even if I'm feeling sad and all, I'm ironically NOT feeling any regret or what, I just feel like I have to do this. And this was justified even more by some colleagues who said they're happy for me. Funny huh? this is the my only resignation where I got the line "I'm happy for you", when in fact I didn't utter anything about being happy to resign. I guess my aura just exuded it.
As in the title of this post, I've been calling my resignation "bittersweet". No, I actually got that from Lou, after he has seen me rant and rave about this whole thing. Of course, the rant is that I'm gonna leave the comfort zone, and my awesome officemates. But in spite of it all, I'm going to "reunite" with my first work family ...CAI-STA. I can't believe it. I mean, I know you think it's easy for go back there, but it's not. The first time I attempted to apply there again, the interviewer didn't like me (count that as one of the failures I mentioned about). This is actually the second one! But this time it was they who called me, and it's as if they're willing to settle this time for someone who can't do specifics at the start but can work and learn from the core. "settle" -- lol, that's how my current job lowered my self esteem!
I myself thought it would be absurd to make such decision. It's like breaking up with a cool boyfriend to be reunited with an ex I left for qualities he lacked. HAHAHA! That's just what it seemed of course ...but 4 years has already passed, most of the people I knew there already left, I'll be a part of a different team with new faces and they're putting me in a project that requires Java and SQL. Not like before when they'd put me in .NET or Java, wherever bug fixing is needed. So, to me, it seems that moving "back" in this case is as good as moving to a new one. I hope! And, why ponder so much on going back... This is like now or never, when it comes to getting that type of work I want.
As my motto goes, there is no perfect company. But there will always be sets of imperfections that one can swallow, depends on his lifestyle, priorities or personality. Sadly, in my case I failed to see that set of imperfections in this company, or maybe, like what I said in my previous post, priorities just change. And it could be like this as long as I'm at the late 20s, or even while I'm single. But as in my previous resignations, my wish stays the same -- to finally find that set of imperfections the will fit me right, to settle in the company where I will retire, and to say "nah, I'm already good here".
And contrary to whatever negative I'm probably implying right now... I loved Sync. I really did, and I still do. it wasn't an easy decision to leave, it breaks my heart just to imagine how my last day would be. Too bad, some things just can't work perfectly for each and everyone all the time, right?
Sooo that's it! For the 3rd time I'm gonna say - This is it, c'est la vie, and good luck to me!
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